


i'll be your sinner in secret

by pollutedrain



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Royalty, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Arranged Marriage, Bodyguard Johnny, M/M, Secret Relationship, Smut, prince doyoung
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-12 09:02:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29133009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pollutedrain/pseuds/pollutedrain
Summary: It all starts during the summer following Doyoung’s eighteenth birthday, on an otherwise unremarkable Monday morning. He still remembered it like it was only yesterday, as though the burning heat of the sun had seared it permanently into his memory.For that was the first time that he ever met Johnny.(Alternatively: Doyoung finds himself staring down an arranged marriage he really doesn't want. Thank goodness the real love of his life is there with him).
Relationships: Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Comments: 7
Kudos: 96
Collections: doyochi fest round one





	i'll be your sinner in secret

**Author's Note:**

> originally written for doyochi fest, prompt #017:  
> Person A is a body guard/knight assigned to escort the prince across the country. Person B is the prince who has never left his kingdom before.
> 
> thank you to the prompter for submitting such a wonderful prompt! i had fun writing it, and i hope my take did it justice. thank you also to the mod for creating and organising the fest!
> 
> and, as always, thank you to everyone who supported me while writing this, you all know who you are ❤ (or at least will do once reveals are out hehe)

It all starts during the summer following Doyoung’s eighteenth birthday, on an otherwise unremarkable Monday morning. He still remembered it like it was only yesterday, as though the burning heat of the sun had seared it permanently into his memory.

For that was the first time that he ever met Johnny.

Johnny appeared at the palace with little ceremony, just another face in the steady stream of bodyguards the king kept in rotation. Can’t have a royal family running around without some form of protection, especially when there were two princes to keep an eye on. Doyoung always argued that he didn’t need babysitting, he was hardly wild enough to require it, but that all changed when he first came into contact with his newest bodyguard.

Neither Doyoung’s father nor his mother had paid their newest employee any attention, not that he’d expected them to. After all, such things were beneath them - Doyoung rather thought they assumed the palace was staffed by robots, instead of actual humans. They probably hadn’t even realised there was someone new in their midst. 

(Incidentally, this led Doyoung to believe that he was Yunho’s handiwork. Doyoung silently resolved to be less of a little shit when the head guard tried to herd him.)

But, unlike his parents, Doyoung had noticed Johnny.

How could he not? Johnny at barely twenty years old was a breath of fresh air compared to the gruff, older men that usually followed him around. 

Johnny, all tan skin and brassy blond hair, who had visibly stiffened when he first saw the prince all those years ago, the bright glint in his eye stopping Doyoung in his tracks when he’d found himself caught in the other man’s gaze. Johnny whose mere touch would send sparks down Doyoung’s spine whenever their hands would brush against each other, the bodyguard always lingering than was probably decent.

Yes, Johnny was different from any guard Doyoung had ever met. And wasn’t that just the beginning of the end for the both of them.

\---

His hotel room is ice cold when he wakes up.

Doyoung finds himself shivering almost immediately, the blankets he’d been sure to bury himself in before he fell asleep doing little to protect him from the chill that seeps through the thin material of his pyjamas. Even so, he stubbornly tries to wrap them tighter around himself in the hopes that it’ll allow him to drift back off to sleep.

It doesn’t work. Dramatic as it sounds, it feels as though the cold has stolen its way into his very heart, effectively killing off the last scraps of the dream he’d been having.

Giving up, Doyoung kicks the blankets off of him, watching as they slink to the floor in a pathetic pile. A pang of guilt trickles through him at the sight: those sheets were probably of the finest silks, considering the luxury of the hotel he was staying at. Besides that, he really was raised to be better behaved than this. His mother would faint at his behaviour.

“I don’t care,” He declares to the empty room. “It’s her fault I’m here, anyway.”

And with that, Doyoung rolls out of bed, all but stomping his way over to the door. He recalls seeing a tea maker tucked away in a corner when they’d first arrived at the hotel hours ago. Maybe a cup would help to soothe his jittery nerves, he thinks to himself as he opens the door, dragging a smile onto his face for the benefit of anyone who might still be up.

To his relief, the main room of his hotel suite is empty when he dares peek around the doorframe. Doyoung lets his shoulders sag - the rest of the staff assigned to accompany him here must have already retired for the night. It had been a long journey for all of them, and they would be making the return trip tomorrow. 

_Without you_ , a bitter voice reminds him. Doyoung shakes his head, trying to chase it away. 

Making his cup of tea is a welcome distraction - Doyoung still sleepy enough that he has to squint at the instructions for the machine. He settles for chamomile, the mug a comforting warmth between his hands as he wanders to sit by one of the large windows while he drinks. The steam rises to fog up the glass, and he cleans it away with his sleeve.

A strange land lay before him: skyscrapers, bright lights, and winding streets as far as the eye could see. The scale of it all was almost frightening for Doyoung to think about, he’d never seen anything like this before. His own kingdom back home was tiny, tucked away by the coast like it was a secret that only the cliffs knew about. It was small, it was safe, and it was all that Doyoung had ever known.

Except, now Doyoung found himself in a strange city, sitting right at the centre of a strange kingdom. And home was no longer to be home for him - the palace that loomed off in the distance, dominating nearly the entire skyline, was to be. 

His grip on his mug of tea tightened, so much so that he was surprised the porcelain didn’t crack underneath his fingertips.

“Your highness?”

Doyoung startles, a short gasp escaping him with the realisation he’s no longer alone. He swivels around in his seat, eyes widening as he takes in the sight of Johnny standing a few feet away. His bodyguard frowns at him.

“Why are you awake?”

“I…” Doyoung hesitates, holding his mug in one hand so he can fiddle with the overly long sleeves of his pyjama shirt with the other. “I woke up and couldn’t fall back asleep, so I thought I’d make a drink.”

Johnny sighs, fixing him with a stern look.

“You need your rest. You have a big day tomorrow.”

 _Tomorrow_.

Doyoung bites his lip, turning away from the other man to wrap his arms around himself. As though that’ll be enough to stop everything from falling apart around him.

“I don’t want to rest,” He whispers. “That means tomorrow will come faster than I’m prepared for.”

Tomorrow, Doyoung would be married off to the crown prince of the strange land he found himself in. 

It had apparently been the plan for years. A long arranged affair between his own father and whoever Prince Jaehyun’s parents were. Doyoung hadn’t paid much attention to the official announcement - it had been difficult to hear it anyway, drowned out by the roaring of his own heartbeat in his ears. 

He’d tried everything to change his parents’ minds. He’d begged, protested, even cried once or twice, overwhelmed by just how _unfair_ it all was.

“Life isn’t fair,” His father had told him sternly, just before he dismissed him from his study. “Your birthright means you are an important pawn in this political alliance, and that is final.”

And so it was. 

Despite his best efforts, Doyoung had watched his life be packed up around him, either tossed away or sorted into suitcases to accompany him on his journey to his future home. It was the first time he had ever left his own kingdom, something that he’d dreamt of doing for the majority of his life. 

Child Doyoung had been excited to read about all these far-off and much more interesting sounding places, daydreaming about wandering strange and sprawling cityscapes full of buildings that would tower above him. Twenty-three year old Doyoung can hardly bring himself to look out the window a second time.

It was a small comfort that Johnny was the one bodyguard appointed to remain by his side through seemingly endless car trips and plane rides. He’d been the only one keeping Doyoung even the tiniest bit lucid, a comforting presence for him to lean into whenever he needed it. But, even then, said comfort brought about by the other man was to be fleeting. For Johnny would return back to Doyoung’s home kingdom the second the wedding was over. Prince Jaehyun had no need for another bodyguard. 

Doyoung sniffs, trying to will away the tears that threaten to spill over.

“I dreamt-”

He pauses, tongue darting out to wet his lips where they’d gone curiously dry. He tries again.

“I dream of us. That time at the beach. Do you remember it?”

Doyoung remembers it.

He remembers it so vividly he can still hear the cry of the gulls overhead, can still feel the sting of the salt against his tender skin. It had been a rare day off from his royal duties, and he’d taken full advantage of it by escaping to the tiny bay that only he seemed to know about.

It had also been the first time that Johnny had kissed him, desperate and wild like the ocean waves that crashed to the shore metres away from them. It was heated, fuelled by weeks of them carefully dancing around each other, exchanging fervent looks when they thought no-one else was watching. 

Johnny had volunteered to be the one to accompany him to the beach, effortlessly cool in his white t-shirt and swim shorts, having shed the suit usually required by his job. Doyoung had eyed him appreciatively, even more so when the t-shirt was quickly left abandoned by their umbrella, revealing perfectly toned muscles that the prince had long suspected lay hidden underneath the bodyguard’s pressed white shirts.

Muscles that Doyoung was more than happy to let his hands roam over when Johnny spread him out on his towel, leaning down to kiss him with such a hunger he rather felt that the other man took something with him when he eventually pulled away. 

(Years on, Doyoung suspects it was his heart.)

He can feel the other man’s gaze burning against his back now.

“Your highness-” Johnny begins again.

“Stop _calling_ me that!” Doyoung snaps, far too loud for the shared space.

A loud smash. 

Doyoung’s chest heaves as he takes in the sight before him - pieces of white porcelain skittered in all directions from where he’d smashed the mug down onto the floor. He feels as though he’d broken apart the last of his spirit in the exact same way.

For a moment, Johnny’s expression hardens. Cold and uninviting: a direct opposite of the warmth and compassion he usually exuded. Doyoung holds his gaze defiantly, willing himself to not give into the urge to yield, to shrink away and apologise for his outburst. 

The silence that stretches between them is deafening, almost too much for him to bear. For his lofty title, the prince had never felt so small.

And then, the look in Johnny’s eyes softens: ice melting away to be replaced by pure concern.

“Come here.” He murmurs, holding his arms out.

Doyoung doesn’t have to think twice before he’s racing to trip into them, barely caring if he cuts his bare feet on the shards littered around him. He lets himself sink into the safe haven he always finds awaits him in the other man’s embrace, burying his face into his shirt. Johnny welcomes him in easily, holding him close as though it were the last time he’d be able to hold him like this.

 _Because it is_ , an unhelpful voice in the back of Doyoung’s mind supplies bitterly. _After tomorrow you’ll never see him again_. The prince can’t fight back that sob that tears its way out of his lungs, clinging tightly to Johnny’s blazer. 

“Don’t cry,” His bodyguard urges, stroking his back. "You know I hate being unable to help you when you're sad."

The broken tone to his voice only makes Doyoung cry harder.

He's not sure how long they stand there together, Johnny simply holding him as he lets the younger man cry against his chest. He does know that it’s enough for his eyes to begin to sting and his head to pound, the throbbing pain only serving as a reminder of his situation.

Still, the way Johnny carefully buries his face against his hair is enough to soothe the ache, even just a little.

"What can I do to make you feel better, even if just for tonight?" The older man asks.

"Don't let the wedding happen tomorrow." Doyoung fires back immediately.

Johnny's expression twists, the conflict on his face obvious.

Doyoung immediately hates himself for putting the other man in this position. He knows he's being unfair, knows that Johnny doesn't want this any more than he does. But he's just so used to the other man being able to fix everything wrong in his life that he finds himself unable to accept that maybe, just maybe this is the one thing he can't make go away.

Doyoung lets out a miserable little noise at the thought, feeling the other man's arms reflexively tighten around him. He lets his own hands wander beneath Johnny's blazer to fist in the material of his shirt, tracing familiar paths down the broad expanse of skin that lies underneath. He hears his bodyguard let out a soft sigh, and it's enough to give him an idea.

Johnny might not be able to get them out of what lies ahead tomorrow, but he can certainly help distract Doyoung enough that he'll be able to forget his destiny for a while.

"Spend the night with me."

Johnny stiffens underneath his touch.

"You're getting married tomorrow.”

"I'm aware."

Johnny raises an eyebrow.

"Don't be a smart ass," He scolds lightly, though he's well aware Doyoung knows it's one of the things his bodyguard loves most about him. "I just... I don't think this is the best idea."

" _Why_?" Doyoung all but wails.

It was unfair enough that they would be torn apart come morning, their last evening together shouldn't be spoilt as well. The fact that Johnny dares to laugh at him makes the sting even worse.

"You don't see anything wrong with me sleeping with another man's future husband the night before his wedding?" The older man snorts, even as he leans down to press his lips to Doyoung's forehead. "To live in your world must be something else."

"I'm not his future husband," The prince grumbles. "I might be in name, but I refuse to accept it."

Johnny scoffs, but it's paired with a warm smile, visible affection shining in his eyes. He gently cups Doyoung's cheek, tilting his head back so he has no choice but to look at him.

"My stubborn little prince," He murmurs, brushing his thumb against the younger man's lower lip. "Whatever shall I do with you?"

"Let me have you for the rest of the night," Doyoung pleads, close to dropping to his knees to beg in the hopes that that will be more convincing. "Just one last evening of knowing what it's like to be with someone I know treasures me, it- It's all I want, Johnny."

The older man sighs quietly, tilting his head as he takes in the pleading look Doyoung is no doubt directing at him. For a brief, terrible moment he expects that Johnny will push him away, gentle but unmistakably firm as he always is whenever he rejects Doyoung.

But, to Doyoung's sheer relief, his bodyguard leans down to kiss him oh-so-softly on the lips, though it's still enough to send sparks down his spine.

"Okay." The older man murmurs, before he pulls away to take his hand instead.

\---

Johnny’s room is simple, lacking the clinical opulence of Doyoung’s own. There’s no impossibly high ceilings or gilded furniture - in fact, the few pieces littered around the room seem to be there almost as an afterthought. As though someone had once ducked their head through the doorway and realised _something_ should be done with the space. 

He prefers it immensely.

But that might be simply because it belongs to Johnny, who quietly locks the door behind them once Doyoung has shuffled through the frame. Maybe it’s the sight of the other man’s familiar leather weekend bag left on the armchair by the window that does it for him. Or maybe it’s the lingering scent of Johnny’s cologne in the air, something refreshing that never failed to remind the younger man of the beach after it had rained. 

Whatever it is, it fills Doyoung with an odd sense of serenity, a welcome balm over the more tumultuous emotions that leave his chest feeling tighter than is probably healthy. Even so, the tight feeling worsens as he raises his head to meet Johnny’s gaze, the near hungry look that pollutes the usually warm brown of his lover’s eyes drawing a shudder from deep within him.

“ _Please_.”

He blurts the word out before his thoughts have time to catch up. 

Doyoung doesn’t know exactly what he begs for, but he knows he needs it _now_ , before it’s too late. Johnny must be able to pick up on his desperation, since he finally steps forward to close that last foot of distance between them. 

His fingertips are cool where they come to tilt Doyoung’s chin up, bringing their lips barely an inch apart. It contrasts nicely with the heat that immediately spreads through the prince’s veins as Johnny leans down to kiss him, his free hand curling into the material of Doyoung’s shirt to pull him closer. 

Doyoung kisses him back greedily, trying to take in as much of his lover as he can while they’re wrapped around each other like this. He lets his hands tangle wildly in Johnny’s hair, almost fisting in the strands as he fights back the embarrassment that comes when he feels the other man smirking. 

A smirk which turns into a full blown chuckle when they part, Doyoung letting out a distressed whine at the loss of contact. Johnny lets him kiss him again and again, brief, desperate little things, before he uses his grip on the younger man’s chin to hold him still.

“Bed?” He murmurs. 

Doyoung doesn’t have to think twice before he’s nodding.

Johnny guides him backwards, helping him shuffle until the back of the prince’s knees meet the very end of the bed. Doyoung falls easily, sighing contently when his body sinks into the mattress. He expects Johnny to join him immediately, but instead the other man comes to sit close to his head. His touch is tentative as he reaches out to card his fingers through Doyoung’s tangled hair.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” He asks, quietly.

“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.” Doyoung replies, even as his voice wobbles. 

He reaches out to meet Johnny’s hand, locking their fingers together to try and pull his bodyguard towards him. 

“I want _you_.” He repeats, hoping the sincerity of his words is as convincing as he thinks it is. “I _need_ you.”

It seems to work, since Johnny nods. The mattress creaks underneath him as he comes to hover over the younger man’s body, dipping his head down so their lips can meet once more. Doyoung lets his fingers dance across Johnny’s cheek, revelling in how the slight stubble there scratches at his skin. 

“You’re gorgeous,” He whispers, more to himself than anything else as they part once again. “The most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

“That’s funny, I would say the same of you.” Johnny replies, sliding down ever-so-slightly to undo just the top button of Doyoung’s pyjama shirt.

The younger man bites his lip, feeling anticipation already beginning to thrum in his veins.

This is in no way the first time they’d come together like this. In fact, that day at the beach all those years ago had ended in them tumbling into the backseat of Johnny’s car, all frantic touches and the sound of skin against skin until Doyoung ended on such a high that stars glittered in his eyes. 

(It had been everything he’d ever dreamt it would be, and it had ruined him completely. No-one else would ever leave him sated in the perfect way that Johnny did.)

But, this _is_ the first time that they’re able to truly savour the moment. 

Not just feverish seconds snatched between Doyoung’s schedules and Johnny’s guard shifts, hands down each other’s pants and faces tucked against still-clothed shoulders to muffle any noise. Just the two of them, alone in this safe haven they’d made for themselves, free to let their hands wander like they had all the time in the world.

Johnny pulls him back from his thoughts with a gentle kiss to his neck, laving over the spot with his tongue until Doyoung squirms beneath him. 

“Mark me,” He begs. “I need everyone to know I’m yours.”

“I can’t,” Johnny whispers in reply, even as Doyoung feels him worry at a spot tucked away behind his ear, right on a sensitive patch of skin. It’d be gone by morning, the prince realises with a whine. “From tomorrow, you aren’t mine anymore.”

“Don’t,” Doyoung nearly cries in reply. “Let- Let me forget, even just for tonight. Let me think that I can always be yours, no matter what.”

There’s an unmistakable sadness to Johnny’s expression when he pulls away to kiss Doyoung’s forehead in apology.

“My mistake, your highness,” He whispers. “Let me fix that.”

Deft fingers undo the rest of Doyoung’s shirt buttons, the fabric falling aside to reveal the milky white skin of the prince’s chest. Johnny maps his way across it, leaving soft kisses in his wake as he follows no set path down the plains of Doyoung’s torso. Doyoung shivers beneath him, his lover’s gentle touch both overstimulating and yet somehow still not enough at the same time. 

He jerks as Johnny moves to thumb over one of his now exposed nipples, roughened skin drawing a strangled cry from deep down in his chest. His hands find their way back into the older man’s hair, the strands like silk to his touch when he tugs at them. Johnny soothes him by replacing his thumb with his tongue, languidly tracing around his nipple until he puts Doyoung out of his misery by finally sucking the bud into his mouth.

Doyoung whines through his teeth, trying his best to push his chest up towards his lover’s mouth to maximise his own pleasure. He can feel Johnny growing steadily hard above him, the other man’s cock pressing against his own thigh _just_ enough that Doyoung is incredibly aware of it. His own arousal is no better, the ache between his legs only growing as Johnny pulls off to switch to his other nipple, affording it the same treatment until it peaks between his lips. 

The prince lets his hands slide down to the other man’s shoulders, fisting in the material of his blazer. Doyoung frowns at the material as though it offends him, belatedly realising that it currently robs him of the chance to see his lover naked.

“Take this off.” He demands, very aware that his tone is quickly encroaching into being bratty.

He’s rewarded with a smirk, that twinkle in Johnny’s eye that he’s always been so fond of returning easily.

“Oh?” The older man croons, pulling away from Doyoung’s chest with one last brush of his lips to his nipple. “Where are your manners?”

“Please.” Doyoung mumbles, still tugging stubbornly. 

“I thought you were raised to be polite?” Johnny shakes his head, even while he sits back to let his prince finally push the blazer off of his shoulders. “What would your father think of you now?”

“Somehow I think he’d find something else to be more upset about.” Doyoung smirks, already unbuttoning the other man’s own shirt before he can be chased away.

Thankfully, Johnny leaves him to his task, easily shrugging both layers off to expose the toned muscles of his chest. Doyoung doesn’t hesitate before he’s leaving his own trail of kisses across tanned skin, relishing in the way he feels Johnny tense up beneath him. He pauses to lightly bite at a spot just below his lover’s pectoral, comforted by the fact that at least _he’s_ able to mark Johnny even if the other man can’t do the same to him. 

Johnny’s hand comes to rest carefully on his head, nails lightly scratching at his scalp until Doyoung feels like he might melt under his touch. He makes it all the way down to the waistband of the other man’s pants, licking his lips at the sight of how the fabric strains with his erect cock. He briefly noses at Johnny’s hipbone, leaving another kiss there for good measure, before he lets his fingers dance along the bodyguard’s happy trail and down to his zipper.

But, before he can get to work unzipping Johnny’s pants, hands come to clench around Doyoung’s own wrists. The prince lets out a squawk of surprise, the noise only growing more undignified as he finds himself manhandled onto his back.

“H-Hey!” He protests, trying his best to glare up at the other man (though he’s sure his expression resembles a pout more than anything else).

“Hey.” Johnny echoes, parting Doyoung’s legs so he can comfortably settle between them.

Doyoung grumbles.

“I was in the middle of something, you know.”

“And I thank you for it,” Johnny smiles down at him. “But let me take care of you tonight, my prince.”

There’s an undercurrent of fondness to the other man’s words that makes Doyoung’s heart hurt just a little, though he doubts it was Johnny’s intention. Thankfully, he doesn’t seem to notice the brief pained expression that flickers across the prince’s face, instead too occupied with pulling Doyoung’s pants down with little ceremony. 

Doyoung’s cock throbs almost painfully when it's finally free of the material of his pyjama pants, Johnny tossing the offending garment somewhere across the room. The prince bites his lip as his lover settles in close to his pelvis, breath ghosting over the head of his cock, already flushed and sensitive. He cries out as Johnny barely brushes his lips against the tip, just enough for him to taste the precum already leaking out in anticipation of what’s to come.

“D-Don’t tease!” He hisses, writhing as Johnny travels further down to nose at the soft skin of his inner thighs.

“I’m not _teasing_ ,” Comes the mocking reply. “I’m simply taking the time to make you feel good.”

“You’re torturing me, that’s what you’re doing.” Doyoung mumbles, hand on his lover’s cheek to try and urge him back to his neglected cock.

Johnny leans into his touch, looking up towards him with such affection in his eyes that Doyoung struggles to hold onto his irritation.

“My poor, pampered prince,” The older man croons, turning his head ever-so-slightly to press a reverent kiss to Doyoung’s palm. “So spoilt, so indulged.”

“It’s your own fault,” Doyoung retorts. “No-one spoils me as much as you do.”

“How can I not? You deserve it.” 

And with that, Johnny returns to his cock, ducking his head to take the entire length into his mouth.

Doyoung _keens_ , immediately bucking his hips at the sudden overwhelming heat of Johnny’s mouth around him. It should be humiliating how quickly the other man pins him down in response - barely enough of a struggle to stop him from holding Doyoung’s hips flush against the mattress so he’s left immobilised. But Doyoung feels some sort of sick _thrill_ rush through him at how easy it is for Johnny to hold him still.

He fists one hand in the sheets instead, clutching them so tightly he’s afraid the fabric might rip as Johnny swallows around him. Doyoung watches through tear-filled eyes as the other man begins to bob his head slowly, dragging his way back up his length before he pulls off with an audible _pop_. Johnny then presses his tongue to the spot he knows never fails to drive Doyoung crazy, that one sensitive patch of skin that always leaves him feeling like he’ll fall apart the longer it’s rubbed against. 

Doyoung sees stars when he finally comes, throwing his head back against the pillows with a desperate plea that sounds an awful lot like Johnny’s name. The older man rubs soothing circles against the skin of his hip as he coaxes him through his release. He easily takes all that Doyoung gives him, swallowing around him again and again until the younger man sobs from being overstimulated. 

It’s only then that Johnny finally pulls off of his cock, sitting back on his heels to gaze down at his prince laid beneath him.

“Okay?” He quietly clarifies, leaning down to brush Doyoung’s hair off of his forehead.

Doyoung’s chest heaves as he looks up at Johnny’s face, eyes roaming to take in how _wild_ he looks - all messy hair and flushed cheeks, combined with the mess of spit and come smeared across his cheek. The young man motions for him to come closer, carefully wiping his lover’s face clean with the corner of the sheets.

“I am.” He whispers in reply.

And it’s true, he is. In fact, Doyoung feels more than okay - he feels sated, closer to feeling at peace than he has done in weeks. His limbs ache with tiredness, and he could happily curl up and fall asleep right now. But sleep isn’t what he wants, not when he has Johnny hovering over him, looking like a starved man in front of a feast.

“I want more,” The prince whispers, reaching for the other man’s hand. Johnny meets him halfway, like he’d somehow read his thoughts. “I want _you_.”

A gentle brush of lips against his hand, Johnny kissing each of his fingertips with a quiet reverence that has Doyoung’s stomach swooping. 

“Of course.” His bodyguard murmurs. 

Even the brief moment where Johnny leaves him to rummage through his bag is torturous enough for Doyoung. 

He sits up to lean back on his elbows so he can watch him, a sense of dread settling heavy in his stomach at the thought of letting his lover out of his sight for more than a second. He reaches out instantly for the other man the second he returns to the bed, brushing his fingers over the tattoo on Johnny’s shoulder as if to remind himself that he’s real. 

“I’m here, I’ve got you.” Johnny soothes him, already uncapping the bottle of lube that always lives in his bag. 

Doyoung lies back against the pillows to watch the other man squirt a liberal amount onto his fingers, rubbing them together to warm the lube up. The younger man’s legs fall open easily to accommodate his lover when he comes to settle between them again, Johnny holding onto one of his thighs with his clean hand to keep him spread open. 

He shivers as the first finger presses against his entrance, slipping through the ring of muscle with little resistance. Doyoung lets his eyes flutter shut as the tension bleeds out of his limbs, body relaxing around Johnny’s finger easily. It had been too long since the last time his lover was able to work him open like this, slow and careful, but his body was so attuned to the other man’s that it welcomed him back no matter how much time had passed.

The second finger is more noticeable, Johnny scissoring it together with the first to better stretch Doyoung around him. The younger man lets out the quietest of whimpers, instinctively rutting against his lover’s fingers to urge him deeper inside. Johnny leans down to nose against the flawless skin of his stomach, mindful of the way Doyoung’s cock remains soft and still sensitive. 

(Not for long, though. Doyoung can already feel that all too familiar sensation of arousal stirring awake, deep within him.)

Johnny kisses him again as he adds a third finger, easily swallowing the distressed moan that escapes Doyoung's lungs. It feels like the other man means to steal his very breath away - tongue pressed against Doyoung's own as he relentlessly fucks into him with his fingers. Fingers that curl suddenly deep inside him, making him rip his head from his lover's mouth so he can _keen_ , vision almost whiting out as Johnny presses insistently at his prostate.

" _Gods_." He gasps, hips stuttering.

He whines when the older man responds by quickly pulling his hand away - leaving Doyoung to clench desperately around nothing.

"Shh." Johnny soothes him with a peck against his cheek, leaning over to reach for a condom he must have brought with him when he'd retrieved the lube.

Doyoung grabs at his arm, shaking his head.

"No-" He motions towards the condom, biting his lip.

"No?" Johnny frowns.

"I want to feel you- all of you." The younger man whispers, cheeks burning with his confession.

It's clear that Johnny wants to laugh at him - Doyoung can see it in the way his eyes sparkle, lips curling up into a smirk that he valiantly attempts to battle away. He pouts up at his lover in response, holding his gaze until he watches the older man visibly give in.

"Anything for you, my prince."

Doyoung smiles to himself in victory, lounging back against the pillows to watch as Johnny leisurely undoes his own pants, finally exposing his own cock to him. 

The younger man's fingers twitch at the sight, overcome with the urge to reach out and touch, feel the velvety soft skin of his lover's cock for himself. But, he forces himself to stay still. Johnny would no doubt scold him for it and, as attractive as the other man was whenever he was particularly stern with him, Doyoung was too wound up from anticipation to permit any further delays from him getting what he wanted.

Still, he can't help but lick his lips as he watches Johnny smear yet more lube over his cock, the older man's eyes fluttering shut no doubt from pleasure. 

Doyoung breathes in sharply when his lover comes back to him, palm warm where it settles on his thigh. His other hand comes to comb through Doyoung's hair, murmuring soft reassurances as he positions the head of his cock at the younger man's entrance. Doyoung reaches up to clutch at his wrist, letting loose a breathy whine as Johnny slowly pushes into him.

Johnny hadn’t been his first lover.

No, Doyoung’s eighteenth birthday had seen him falling into bed with the friend of a friend visiting the palace for the occasion, the pair of them pawing at each other like the horny teenagers that they were. And Johnny wouldn’t be his last, either - that privilege was apparently reserved for a complete stranger that Doyoung would soon come to call husband, a thought that left the most bitter taste in his mouth. 

But no other lover - past, present, or future - would ever compare to the man that holds him now. 

The sigh that Johnny lets loose as he bottoms out is like the sweetest melody Doyoung has ever heard. If he had the chance, he would listen to it for the rest of his life. He shakes his head as he feels the other man still, clearly waiting for Doyoung to acclimatise to the feeling of having someone inside him.

"Go," The prince whispers, shifting so he can wrap his legs around his lover's waist. He squeezes his thighs to urge him on, gasping as it serves to push Johnny deeper inside of him. "I don't want to wait, I just want you."

There's clear concern in the frown that takes over Johnny's features, eyebrows knitting together as he looks down at the prince below him. Doyoung wants to kiss his worries away, but he settles for smoothing his fingertips over the wrinkles of his beloved's forehead.

"I'm okay," He reassures him. "I promise."

That seems to finally be enough, as Johnny nods, leaning forward to kiss Doyoung's palm once more. He then moves to grip at Doyoung's hips with both hands, not quite rough enough to bruise, but enough that Doyoung holds his breath in anticipation.

The pace Johnny sets as he begins to roll his hips forward is slow. 

Slow, and leisurely, dragging his way in and out of Doyoung to the backing track of the younger man's ragged breathing. Doyoung reaches up to wrap his arms around the other man's neck, tugging him down until they're nearly impossibly close together. He mumbles something to his lover, words so garbled that even he can't really make out what he was trying to say, but Johnny seems to get the gist of it.

"It's okay," He murmurs, briefly brushing his lips against Doyoung's own. "I'm here."

Doyoung nods, tilting his head back to let pleasure begin to overwhelm him.

Johnny soon finds a rhythm that he's happy with, though it remains more languid than anything. It leaves arousal simmering deep inside of Doyoung, warm and heavy. He feels like he's on _fire_ , the blush staining his cheeks spreading all the way down his chest until he would swear he glows in the dim light of the room.

It's unfair how Johnny looks so unaffected, still so lovely to his prince's eyes. Doyoung finds it’s suddenly a struggle to look up at him, even though he desperately wants to - wants to commit the image of Johnny making love to him, since it's the last time he’ll be able to see him like this. He digs his nails into the skin of the older man's shoulders, fighting back the emotions that threaten to choke him.

As if sensing his distress, Johnny suddenly pauses in his thrusts, leaning forward to press Doyoung even further down into the pillows beneath his head. When he starts up again his pace is much faster, movements coloured with obvious desperation as he snaps his hips in near tandem to the pounding of Doyoung's heartbeat. 

As wonderful a distraction it is, it's also _torture_ , the position of the younger man's legs meaning Johnny fucks into him so deep he's almost able to feel the older man in his throat. He lets out a strangled cry as he feels his lover grind down against him, rutting directly against Doyoung's prostate until tears begin to sting at the younger man's eyes.

His cock is now painfully hard again, and he nearly shouts as Johnny comes to wrap his fingers around it once more. The other man leans down to leave feverish kisses against his neck, palming at Doyoung's cock as he does so. Doyoung rolls his hips down to meet his touch, chanting Johnny's name over and over until it sounds more like a prayer in the otherwise silent suite. His servants can probably hear him from their rooms but, to be completely honest, he doesn't care. 

No punishment could negate everything he’s feeling right now.

Johnny ducks his head down to mouth at one of his nipples again, and it's just enough to tip Doyoung over the edge. 

Something deep inside him snaps and he comes with a cry, hips jerking up as he spills over Johnny's fingers. The other man coos softly at him, hips stilling as he instead focuses on his prince, carefully working him through his orgasm. Doyoung whimpers, his cock twitching from oversensitivity as Johnny lightly thumbs over its head, only pulling away when it's clear he's spent.

"Hold on." He murmurs, squeezing Doyoung's hip briefly as he begins to move again.

It's immediately too intense for the younger man, but he bites his lip to hold back the near-pained cry that wants to escape him. 

Thankfully Johnny is quick, thrusting in and out of him much faster than before. Despite the tiredness quickly overtaking his body, Doyoung does his best to help his lover find his own release, rolling his hips down to meet him as he clenches hard around Johnny's cock.

It works. 

Only a few brief yet endless moments pass before Johnny's hips stutter with a finality, the older man spilling into Doyoung with a soft moan. Relief courses through Doyoung's veins as Johnny sags, bending to rest his forehead on his chest. His breath is hot against his skin, and the younger man lets his fingers find their way back into his lover's hair, humming quietly when Johnny ghosts his lips over his sternum.

Doyoung must drift off to sleep almost instantly, body too bone-tired and heavy where he curls up on the bed to keep going. Something wet suddenly pressed against his inner thigh is what wakes him, and he lets out a quiet noise of upset as he tries to jerk away from it.

"It's me," The soft tone of Johnny's voice rouses him further, and Doyoung manages to force one eye open so he can peer up at his lover, standing over him with a washcloth in hand. "Let me clean you up."

It's not the most pleasant of sensations, particularly against his overly sensitive skin, but Doyoung obliges. Only too happy to let Johnny take care of him, as he knows the other man loves to do. He dozes lightly as the older man presumably disappears to leave the washcloth in the bathroom, crouching next to the bed when he returns.

“Shall I take you back to your room?”

“No,” Doyoung replies almost before the other man can finish his sentence. “No, I- I want to stay here. With you.”

Johnny's mouth twists and Doyoung feels his heart drop. 

He wouldn’t be able to take being rejected right now, not after everything that had just happened between them. Doyoung knows he's being pathetic, but he looks up at Johnny with so much _desperation_ , ready to grab his hands and plead outright if he needs to. In fact, he's about to do so when the older man leans down to press his lips to his forehead.

"Don't look at me like that," He whispers. "Of course you can stay."

Doyoung nearly sobs with relief, going willingly when Johnny gently pushes him back down against the mattress. The bed creaks as the other man comes to settle beside him, body warm when he presses his chest to Doyoung's back. Strong arms wrap around his delicate waist, allowing the prince to curl into his bodyguard's embrace.

“Sleep well, my prince,” He murmurs into Doyoung’s ear, ducking down to press a kiss to the bare skin of his shoulder. “I’ll be here when you wake up.”

Doyoung nods silently, melting with the way Johnny thumbs at his hip. As he drifts off again, he can't help but hope that this won't be the last time they'll be able to hold each other like this.

\---

When Doyoung wakes once again, it's to the sight of the barely-risen sun visible through the cracked curtains, accompanied by the soft sounds of Johnny breathing behind him. 

For a moment he lets himself lie there, eyes only just open as he dwells on how _peaceful_ he feels. His lover's weight is solid and comforting against his back, his arms still wrapped tightly around Doyoung's waist.

Doyoung feels safe here. If only it weren't mere hours before it was all torn away from him, he thinks with a miserable sigh.

He assumes Johnny is still asleep, but when he does finally glance over his shoulder, he's met with the familiar warmth of the other man's gaze.

"Good morning," The older man whispers. "How do you feel?"

"...Tired," Doyoung mumbles, turning over so he can lay his head against the bare skin of his lover's chest. "Tired, and sad."

"Not the best combo." Johnny kisses the top of his head, resting his cheek there.

 _An understatement, really_ , Doyoung thinks to himself.

"What time is it?"

His lover grunts, working to keep Doyoung's body pulled close to his own as he leans over to grab his abandoned phone from the bedside table. The screen lights up, briefly bathing the room in unnatural light.

"A little before five thirty."

Four hours before Doyoung has to report to the palace.

The prince sighs again, reaching around blindly until he can capture Johnny's hand in his own. He brings it close to his face, pressing his lips to his knuckles.

"What will you do?" He whispers against his lover's skin. "What will you do when you don't have me to chase after anymore?"

"Quit." Johnny replies without second thought. "I won't be able to stand looking at your father after this. I'll quit, go back home, and find work there."

"Home? To your brother?"

Doyoung knew little about Johnny's life before he arrived at his family's palace, the older man preferring to keep it more of a mystery than anything else. But he did know enough to know that his lover had a younger brother whom he adored with his whole being. So much so that he'd actually taken the role of royal bodyguard to help pay for Mark's university tuition.

("It was the least I could do - everything that's good in my life is all thanks to him." Johnny had told him once, holding Doyoung tight underneath the stars.

"Including you.")

"Yes, to Mark." Johnny replies now, words warm with obvious fondness. "I suppose that’s something to look forward to, I haven't seen him in so long."

Despite Doyoung's own dismay, he can't help but feel a rush of happiness for the other man. At least he could spend the rest of his life knowing Johnny would still be surrounded by love, even if Doyoung couldn't be there to contribute to it himself.

"I wish I could meet him," The prince mumbles. "He must be something amazing if you're anything to go by."

"He'd love you," Johnny replies, looking down at him with unreadable emotions in his eyes. "Though nowhere near as much as I love you."

Doyoung’s breath hitches, and he closes his eyes in an attempt to ward off the tears that quickly threaten to fall.

He’d known, of course - how could he not? Johnny’s love for him was evident in every stolen glance, every lingering touch and quiet affirmation of how Doyoung was one of the best things to ever happen to him.

But this was the first time Johnny had actually said as much out loud, his ardent confession playing on loop in Doyoung's head, completely taking over his thoughts.

 _I love you_.

It was the loveliest thing the prince had ever heard.

But it also felt like a goodbye. 

"I love you too." Doyoung whispers desperately, leaning up to tug Johnny down in a fierce kiss.

A moan vibrates through the older man's chest beneath his fingertips, Johnny tilting his head to kiss him back with an intensity like nothing Doyoung has experienced before. He finds himself rolled onto his back - his bodyguard clutching him tight as though he intends to never let go. Their tongues meet as Doyoung fists his hands in Johnny's hair, urging him on until it feels like everything else around them melts away, leaving just the two of them together.

He whines when the older man does eventually pull away, trying to chase after his lips. What Johnny says next, however, is enough to make him freeze.

"Come with me."

“W-What?” Is all Doyoung can think to reply, still dazed from the fever of them kissing.

Johnny’s hands come to clutch his face desperately.

“Let’s run away together,” He whispers. “If we make it over the border it’ll be easy for us to just vanish.”

“I- Johnny you could be _killed_ for it, do you hear yourself?”

“I don’t _care_ ,” Johnny hisses in response. “I’d sooner die than see you married to someone that isn’t me.”

It’s a stupid idea, really, Doyoung knows this. 

There’s no way his father would just roll over and accept his son fleeing a marriage intended to further his own interests. Especially not when it had happened before - Doyoung’s estranged older brother Taeyong had disappeared without a trace years ago when ordered to stop seeing his own secret lover in favour of marrying yet another son of one of the king’s many alliances.

He and Johnny might as well be signing their own death sentences. 

But, then again, Doyoung can’t help but dwell on how Taeyong _had_ managed to evade discovery up until this point. 

The only sign of his brother in the time since his elopement had been an unmarked letter Johnny had handed straight to Doyoung a year or so ago. The letter had been left for him down by the beach, and only contained a short affirmation that the crown prince was both safe and happy where he was, but now it was more a symbol of what Doyoung _could_ have than anything else.

If Taeyong could pull it off, why couldn’t Doyoung do the same?

“Won’t they find us?” He asks Johnny, though a clear-cut decision is already beginning to form in his mind.

“I’m your bodyguard,” His lover grins wolfishly at him. “It’s my job to make sure you’re safe from people we don’t want finding you.”

Doyoung can’t help but laugh at that.

“I trust you,” He beams. “Even if we have to hide out in a swamp somewhere for the rest of our lives, I know you’ll keep me safe.”

“I would lay down my life to make sure of it.” Johnny replies earnestly, kissing the tip of his nose.

And as Doyoung watches the man he loves pull away from him, practically bounding from the bed to begin packing up their things, he can’t help but give into the hope that blooms suddenly in his chest, threatening to overwhelm him.

Maybe destiny will be kind to them, after all. 

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! comments, kudos and bookmarks are always appreciated if you feel like leaving them!
> 
> you can find me at:  
> cc: [suhnbeams](https://curiouscat.me/suhnbeams)  
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